Aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
Dan tak pernah ku sesali itu
Seluruh jiwa rela ku serahkan
Menggenggam janji setiaku
Kumohon jangan jadikan semua ini
Alasan kau menyakitiku
Meskipun cintamu tak hanya untukku
Tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti
Bila…Rasaku ini rasamu
Sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya
Terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga
Coba…Bayangkan kembali
Betapa hancurnya hati ini, kasih
Semua telah terjadi
-Kerispatih 2008-
Something happened today. I’m not gonna go into the details. Just nak express that it feels like an explosion right in the middle of my heart. To make things worse, I can’t let it out. I couldn’t drop a tear. This must mean that it didn’t hurt me after all. But what’s with this thick, unsettled, heart wrenching feeling in my heart?
It has been a year. I kept it in for a year. Being able to take it out into the open should make me feel relieved right? It should have lightened the burden I felt. But it didn’t. It made me feel even inferior.
Why must this email appear in my inbox this morning? Why must the question be asked? And why the hell did I willingly reply and make the same mistake I did 5 years ago??
I should have known the outcome. I should have learnt my lessons. But no. I stupidly went and pour the story out into the open and what do I get in return? A dreadful silence treatment. The same response I got 5 years ago. And what happened next is what I fear would happen. I was dead set right. And now I’m sitting in front of my laptop, wishing that today did not happened..
Why do we always say things we didn’t mean to?
Why do we always want what we can’t have?
Why do we always think we have the answer for everything?
Why do we always think that our doings are in the interest of others?
Why do we always think that they want what we want?
Why do we always want to test the water and ended up falling in too deep?
Why do we always insist to jump into the water when we know we can’t swim, let alone float?
Why do we always think that we deserve the best when we ourselves are imperfect?
Why do we always think we are selfless when we are actually very selfish?
Why do we always say we feel numb when in reality is that we are badly hurt?
Why? Because we are humans. And do we then apologize for being just that??
Im sorry.. Im sorry.. Im sorry.. I truly am..
