November 24, 2008 - Posted by Melly- 2 Comments
Allah the Mercifull…. Memang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang….
Aku ketemui jawaban persoalan aku.. i spent about an hour pouring my heart and eyes out to my sis last week.. at the end of the conversation we concluded that all men, at the end of the day are B******S.. maaf kalau ada yang tersinggung, but its a fact…
Something disheartening happened over the weekend. a dear Friend noticed that Si Dia was being cold towards me on our regular weekend outings.. well, the actual fact is it has been like that for the past weeks. not too cold lah.. just cold… The Friend also sees that Si Dia was ignoring me.. I told the friend, i dah mcm ter immune sikit. so i didnt feel ignored.. he was indeed busy and his schedule as far as im concerned is endless until new year..
But my conversation with the friend later that night struck me big time! intipati dia biarlah menjadi rahsia. Conclusionnya adalah, IF.. i repeat IF.. if aku rasa that si Dia dah berubah hati (due to many circumstances and reasons yang biarlah menjadi rahsia jugak)… aku should let go, keep my pride and move on.. IF ok…
tapi hati aku kuat rasa tak.. and to be honest, walaupun i didnt sleep a second after that conversation until now, almost 24 hrs later.. im not upset. rather, i feel at ease sebab aku finally figured out… I’m not in love YET dengan si Dia.. noticed i used the word YET.. that means, in times to come, i MAY or MIGHT, SHALL or WILL INDEED fall in love. but the more important issue that needs to be addressed here is that, at this very instance, I WANT HIM.. yes, that’s it.. AKU TIDAK MENCINTAI bahkan HANYA INGIN MEMILIKI si Dia…
i guess that’s why at this point of time im not that hurt…. also this means that i can give him the time and space he needs and deserve as well as let this feeling of INGIN MEMILIKI to bloom into LOVE..
Yes, aku sayang sangat sangat sangat sangat dgn Si Dia… tapi adakah aku mencintai dia??
yang pasti statement terkahir ku sama seperti sebelum ini…
Kalau Si Dia terbaca… I want to grow old with you.. I want to spend my life with you.. and I want to learn how to love you.. Hence, take all the space and time you need.. God’s will, we shall indeed be an item…. but until then, aku tetap sayang kamu…
November 18, 2008 - Posted by Melly- 3 Comments
Kelmarin dan hari ni memang saat2 emosi. Mungkin juga atas sebab2 alami atau memang sebab beberapa perkara yang menghantui diriku semenjak kebelakangan ni.
Aku mau dia tau, tapi gimana caranya? Aku mau dia tau, tapi tentang apa? jujur, otak ini sudah terbeban dgn seribu satu persoalan yang butuh jawaban. aku ga bisa bertanya padanya.. Its complicated..
kelmarin ada teman bertanyakan, “So, where’s you hubby?” Aku bilang “Siapa?”. Dia sebut nama si Dia. aku cuman bisa jawab kalau si Dia bukan hubby aku dan aku ga tau di mana dia.
14 hari berlalu dgn telefon dan sms yang paling minima. paling ga cuman 1 sms sehari. Itu juga dari aku buat si Dia.. yang terkadang cuman dibalas dipenghujung hari. soal bertemu ga usah ditanya. mungkin juga 2 atau 3 kali.. itu juga a brief meeting kayaknya..
ya, aku ngerti kok kalau dia sibuk ngurusin kerjaannya. cuman yang aku persoal sekarang ialah, apakah aku ini belum cukup berkepentingan untuk mengisi ruang waktunya yang sibuk itu?
Ember, sehingga hari ini juga aku belum tau posisi aku dlm hidupnya. Are we an item? are we friends? atau TTM (Teman Tapi Mesra)?? nah, ini juga butuh penelitian.. mesra yang kayak gimana maksudnya? Argh..kalau berterusan gini aku bakalan stress… sekarang aja sudah stress….
aku coba ngerti.. coba meletak aku di posisi dia. Tapi sesibuk aku ya, masih bisa kok sms tanya khabar. kalau ga sms, ngapaian lagi nyetir mobil ga bisa telfon kayak dulu? kenapa berubah? tapi aku berterusan sms dia hari2 kerna pada aku, perasaan aku padanya masih sama.. malah bertambah mengikut hari. dia perlu tahu kalau aku itu sayang and that i care for him kerna itu yang sebenarnya.. dia juga butuh tahu kalau dalam kesibukan kerjaannya dia masih punya aku untuk bermanja di penghujung hari.. tapi sampai kapan cuman aku??
teman si Dia bilang, “ya, kalau kerja di industri seperti kami emang gitu Mel.. aku juga pernah sibuk sekali sampai menjadi sebab aku putus ma pacar aku!” Nah, terus aku tanya.. kamu kesal ga? “yes of course” jawabnya! Nah.. jawabannya di situ kan??. ngapain teman ini ga beri saran pada Si Dia walau dlm keadaan sesibuk mana sekalipun, yang tersayang jgn diabaikan… But then again.. siapa aku dlm hidup si dia? adakah aku ‘yang tersayang’?
pokoknya aku harus tau siapa diriku. Soalnya lagi, Si Dia bilang dia butuh waktu untuk menyelesaikan “unfinished business”. Aku pernah bilang, i’ll wait because i know he is worth the wait. I know he is the one. dan aku tahu he’s really working on settling this unfinished business… kami juga bicara soal future. Adakah aku bisa cocok ma cara hidup dan kerjanya yang segitu. Aku perlu cuba kan? kalau aku benar mau dia, aku harus coba. persepsi aku sekarang, ngapain bincang soal future kalau di ga mau aku? benar kan?? “Yakinlah Kita Bisa!” tapi itu cuma kata hatiku..
sehari dua ini hati aku berdetik soal “unfinished business”nya. mungkin juga reconciliation berlaku. kalau segitu, apa posisi aku? Ya Allah… Permudahkanlah urusanku… Tetapkan jodohku dgn Si Dia.. Kuatkan lah Jodoh kami.. Sesungguhnya yang aku butuh dan mahu cuma Dia.”..
Kalau Si Dia Terbaca… I want to grow old with you.. I want to Spend my lifetime with you… I’ll Wait..
November 1, 2008 - Posted by Melly- 1 Comment
November 1st 2008. All starting to fall in place.
This morning i had an easy day off bed. had good sleep last night after spending the entire day at home. last night also, i got some answers to questions that have been nesting in my head for the past weeks. its like a sign that on this new day of a new month this year, things are starting to bend in ways i want them to.
As i head out from my apartment to work this saturday mrng, i noticed the clear blue sky.. a beautiful blue shade that i havent seen in a while here in malaysia due to endless rain. but then, I started asking myself why can’t it be as blue as the sky in Aussie? but not wanting to spoil this beautiful day, i thank God for letting me experience both. not everyone can see the greatness of skies in both malaysia and aussie. im fortunate. Alhamdulillah.. Thank you God!
Started the engine on my CLK and off i was on NKVE to Shah Alam, overtaking a mercedes on my left and smiling to the uncle! hehe.. he must be thinking that this chick is crazy to drive the CLK that fast.. CLK is my “cute little kancil”.. realising that its not a mercedes, i then slowed down.. :D.. decided to enjoy whats left of the greenary along the massive 6 lanes highways.
switched radio stations on my Sony Explode searching for good tunes to compliment my beautiful day.. instantly.. “tick tick tick tick.. do you hear me talking to you, across the waters, acroos the deep blue ocean, under the open sky, oh my, baby im trying..” ! my songs.. our song.. Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colby Collait.. this songs puts a smile on my face everytime i hear it. it tells the whole story. no blanks left to fill in.. its really how i feel.. he smiles too everytime he hears this in the car. He would sms if he hears it and lets me know if he hadn’t hear it the whole day.. but are we an item? no.. and there’s nothing wrong with it at the moment, because it will fall in place when the time comes..
Moving on, while all this is jazzing up in my mind, i saw a stream of striking moving objects on the opposite side of the highway. Approching them i noticed it was 5 huge lorries painted in bright pink moving in a convoi! Massive Pink Lorries! huhu.. it just made my day.. a feminine touch on masculine toys! what a balance God has created..
im now smiling in front of my computer screen imagining how my beautiful day will continue.. one thing’s for sure, i’ll be seeing him today.. what more can i ask for? 
how have yours been so far?
