Bubbles

Chop! is there such word? Sighing?? Hmm ada kot… Sigh…

Anyways.. korang mesti paham lah what im trying to say.. Apologies again for neglecting you for the past 2 weeks!! ! life has been like a rollercoaster ride and also a ‘masala’ of everything… I promised i would write on the Global Brand Forum.. tapi mcm malas and takde mood pulak.

Before I go any further in spilling you with details of my jolly rollercoaster ride, I just wanted to say that i cherish each and every day of this beautiful life i have.. yes, I’ve lost a lot of things in life, but at the end of the day, i will always gain something else.. be it love, education, friends, and definitely weight! haha.. like they say, life is too short to date ugly men… so enjoy!

ok, let’s continue where we left off with LOL.. a day following the entry, I spoke to my lil sis.. she actually knows Si Dia more than I do. He is her friend first before we were introduced. She asked him about US.. yeah, the US I tot and we both (my sis and I) I had…  and I got the answer..

Lil sis asked Si Dia.. “U know my sister likes u right??”… la di da la di da bla bla ba .. at the end of the conversation…. Si Dia said “I’m sorry if I hurt her but I treat her like I treat any other friend”..

jadi benarlah selama ini mmg takde apa2 pun..  aku je yang terlanjur suka, terlanjur sayang dan terlanjur kasih.. mujur tak terlanjur kawasan2 yang sewaktu dengannya…

Anyways… aku telah SMS Si Dia sejurus aku meletakkan telefon dgn my lil sis.. My SMS read..

“Dear Si Dia.. sorry if this came at a bad time. My sis told me u guys talked last nite.. U didn’t hurt me lah. I know rite 4rm e start I was taking a huge risk. But no matter how much I tried u r too much to resist.. :p, so I gave it a shot.  But I’ve been working on being only friends 4 the past month with glitches sometimes. So, as to not risk this fship, im telling you now that im just here to be your friend from now forth with no hanky panky business. Deal? Sori if I complicate things b4”.. of course, this was accompanied by hours of tears that nite…

Did he reply you all asked?? You think?? Well, of course he did.. dia kan gentleman.. dgn relaxnya menyatakan….

“No worries, you guys are angels and Im just  ***** (his name)..  well, of course, me being me had to write back instead of just letting him have the last say.. I wrote back in hope of trying to cool things down.. (takde yang hot pun actually)..  I said, “You’re not just *****, angels would not fall for just *****.

So that was it.. we are officially just friends!!

Tapi, KALAU SI DIA TERBACA…

Between you and me…. (and my loyal reader of course) I really don’t think that you treat me the same as you treat other girls.. Things that we do when we are alone meant something.. things u said in your SMSes previously meant something (and I keep each and every one of it..)  and I don’t think you keep that as a template to use on every other girl..  You memberi I harapan indah… I bersyukur.. sebab tak semua perempuan boleh impikan utk dapat berharap mcm i…  Alhamdulillah.. tapi I minta sgt2… Quit giving hopes if you do not have intentions in fulfilling it. It hurts!! (so u actually did hurt me a bit lah..)

You have the loveliest heart of a man that I have ever known. You say the right things at the right time, you just make every moment together with you the most cherish moments that I have yet to experience with other men. U make me wanna spend every minute of the day with you. U excite me, u make me smile.. (at least you use to.. well,u still do sometimes), u make me laugh, u treat me like a princess every single day. Itu kelebihan u dan itu yang buat I tertarik pada u right from the very beginning.

tapi u lupa.. di balik keindahan kesempurnaan yang you pentaskan, ada juga kekurangan. Likewise, I know I pun byk kekurangan, banyak sgt actually kalau nak bandingkan dgn criteria wanita idaman setiap lelaki atas muka bumi ini.. things yang buat u don’t want to spend time with me.. things yang make u stay away.. things that push u away… like being a motherly person, pesan itu..pesan ini.. tolong itu..tolong ini… I tau you independent and kalau boleh nak buat semua sendiri BUT a little help at times doesn’t hurt.. anyways, kalau itu yang push u away.. itulah kelemahan I yang I sentiasa cuba perbaiki untuk berjalan setara dengan aura u… but it seems that no matter how much I tried, it will never be enough, will it??

The truth is, you have never meant to create a space for me to even try to compete for a spot in your heart. And another truth is, I personally feel that you are AFRAID TO COMMITT YOURSELF (well, I’d give u a benefit of a doubt, u are afraid to commit now..) puncanya?? Sebab you rasa that you have to have everything in the world to provide to your other half so as to guarantee hidup yang indah dan berkekalan.. nak semuanya serba lengkap.. nak earn RM150K a month baru nak commit..

Shhhnnaaappppp…… that will work kalau u masih hidup in the 70s or 80s.. Life now in 2008 is about sharing and shared-responsibilities .. and If you, or any other guys for that matter, fail to acknowledge the fact that girls now can survive independently, then too bad! I hope lelaki mcm tu akan dijodohkan dgn gadis kampung yang memang bergantung 100% kepada bakal suami mereka! Yang tak kerja, takde education dan tau duduk umah je. Amin! Amin! Amin.. (doa I untuk org lain selalu termakbul).. Then you will know what it is like to provide every single thing.. and then you’ll know u mampu ke tak, because darl.. no one will ever be satisfied with what they have.. NEVER..  Tapi kalau u bercita2 nak urban chicks yang educated, ada kerjaya, bergaya, up to date, hot, hip, etc, please..please..please… swallow the fact that WE CAN CONTRIBUTE TO THE RELATIONSHIP TOO, AND IT DOESN’T MAKE THE MEN A LESSER PERSON! Period!

Sorry kalau entry kali ini seakan melepaskan geram kepada Si Dia. Sebetulnya this goes out to all male readers.. terserah nak kata I sexist atau feminists, I believe that my point of view counts. Cuma I tak tau macam mana nak luahkan.. Thank God for blog and facebook!

Tapi kan I dah kata awal tadi, i will always gain something else … Just so you know.. selepas episode SMS yang menyatakan that we are only friends.. we communicate better and I think even more often that we have before.. its good cumanya, HE STILL TREATS ME THE SAME WAY..  and sometimes even more.. like this one night recently when we were out for a gig.. I could swear to God that if we tell people around us that we were just friends, they will faint or perhaps find their heart skipping a beat. We look like we were so into this “relationship”.. There were sayang here and there, hand-holding and occasional little hugs here and there, and argh!!!! Mcm mana nak describe kat sini?? Payahnya!! Tak perlulah.. For me to know for you to find out! You tau kan Si Dia??   

Well at least I thought so before the nite approached its last 1 hour.. sebab in the last 1 hour, he screwed up.. hah, yang ni biarlah I ngan Si Dia je tau..  saksi ramai, cumanya takde yang I kenal… haha..

I shall continue tomorrow.. Starbucks ni dah nak tutup… Chow

TBC (to be continued)