Bubbles

Kelmarin dan hari ni memang saat2 emosi. Mungkin juga atas sebab2 alami atau memang sebab beberapa perkara yang menghantui diriku semenjak kebelakangan ni.

Aku mau dia tau, tapi gimana caranya? Aku mau dia tau, tapi tentang apa? jujur, otak ini sudah terbeban dgn seribu satu persoalan yang butuh jawaban. aku ga bisa bertanya padanya.. Its complicated..

kelmarin ada teman bertanyakan, “So, where’s you hubby?” Aku bilang “Siapa?”. Dia sebut nama si Dia. aku cuman bisa jawab kalau si Dia bukan hubby aku dan aku ga tau di mana dia. 

14 hari berlalu dgn telefon dan sms yang paling minima. paling ga cuman 1 sms sehari. Itu juga dari aku buat si Dia.. yang terkadang cuman dibalas dipenghujung hari. soal bertemu ga usah ditanya. mungkin juga 2 atau 3 kali.. itu juga a brief meeting kayaknya..

ya, aku ngerti kok kalau dia sibuk ngurusin kerjaannya. cuman yang aku persoal sekarang ialah, apakah aku ini belum cukup berkepentingan untuk mengisi ruang waktunya yang sibuk itu?

Ember, sehingga hari ini juga aku belum tau posisi aku dlm hidupnya. Are we an item? are we friends? atau TTM (Teman Tapi Mesra)?? nah, ini juga butuh penelitian.. mesra yang kayak gimana maksudnya? Argh..kalau berterusan gini aku bakalan stress… sekarang aja sudah stress….

aku coba ngerti.. coba meletak aku di posisi dia. Tapi sesibuk aku ya, masih bisa kok sms tanya khabar. kalau ga sms, ngapaian lagi nyetir mobil ga bisa telfon kayak dulu? kenapa berubah? tapi aku berterusan sms dia hari2 kerna pada aku, perasaan aku padanya masih sama.. malah bertambah mengikut hari. dia perlu tahu kalau aku itu sayang and that i care for him kerna itu yang sebenarnya.. dia juga butuh tahu kalau dalam kesibukan kerjaannya dia masih punya aku untuk bermanja di penghujung hari.. tapi sampai kapan cuman aku??

teman si Dia bilang, “ya, kalau kerja di industri seperti kami emang gitu Mel.. aku juga pernah sibuk sekali sampai menjadi sebab aku putus ma pacar aku!” Nah, terus aku tanya.. kamu kesal ga? “yes of course” jawabnya! Nah.. jawabannya di situ kan??. ngapain teman ini ga beri saran pada Si Dia walau dlm keadaan sesibuk mana sekalipun, yang tersayang jgn diabaikan…  But then again.. siapa aku dlm hidup si dia? adakah aku ‘yang tersayang’?

pokoknya aku harus tau siapa diriku. Soalnya lagi, Si Dia bilang dia butuh waktu untuk menyelesaikan “unfinished business”. Aku pernah bilang, i’ll wait because i know he is worth the wait. I know he is the one. dan aku tahu he’s really working on settling this unfinished business… kami juga bicara soal future. Adakah aku bisa cocok ma cara hidup dan kerjanya yang segitu. Aku perlu cuba kan? kalau aku benar mau dia, aku harus coba. persepsi aku sekarang, ngapain bincang soal future kalau di ga mau aku? benar kan?? “Yakinlah Kita Bisa!” tapi itu cuma kata hatiku..

sehari dua ini hati aku berdetik soal “unfinished business”nya. mungkin juga reconciliation berlaku. kalau segitu, apa posisi aku? Ya Allah… Permudahkanlah urusanku… Tetapkan jodohku dgn Si Dia.. Kuatkan lah Jodoh kami.. Sesungguhnya yang aku butuh dan mahu cuma Dia.”..

Kalau Si Dia Terbaca… I want to grow old with you.. I want to Spend my lifetime with you… I’ll Wait..

I received this in an email.. thought id share it with all..

by Dov Heller, M.A.
 
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!
 
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married,
they’ll say: ‘We’re in love’; I believe this is the First mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound ‘not politically correct’, there’s a
profound truth here.
 
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: ‘You can’t build a lifetime relationship
on love alone’; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.
 
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
 
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for
20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.
 
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
 
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
 
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust ‒ i.e. trust that I won’t
get ‘punished’; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.
 
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
 
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as ’someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ‘;. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.
 
There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.
 
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
 
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.
 
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self‒ absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.
 
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?
 
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to ‘improve’; them after they’re married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: ‘You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse’ If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t
do your homework.
 
Another perspective…
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not‒going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and
caring words or annotations.
 
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.
 
An African proverb states, ‘Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye’; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self‒esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make
someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self‒esteem, spiritual discernment, and ‘a life’; you
won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
 
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.

TBC (to be continued)

DDG… Drop Dead Gorgeous..

itulah yang aku boleh katakan nak describe hamba Allah yang aku jumpa kat fish market Inala jumaat lepas.. Bila dia masuk, aku dah perasan dah. he walked in, grey round collar t shirt, jeans, greyish blue sport shoes. dia koyakkan 3 plastic and terus pi tempat ikan kecik2 yang ada muncung tajam mcm ikan todak.. I have never seen that fish before.. chop! rewind sikit..

I was in Inala with Emma, Chris, Val and Mateo. Val and Mateo tunggu dlm kereta. pi lepas solat jumaat sebab sebelum tu singgah Halal Butcher kat Oxley beli daging lembu and ayam.. ok, at the fish market i was explaining to chris about the red snapper sedap kalau buat sup or just deep fry.

Then Emma walked aound to the other side of the counter and lifted a blue + orange + green fish.. i think its called the Parrot Fish. i didnt know lah orang makan pulak.. too cantik to eat..

anyways.. then emma said “i dont know if i wanna eat this fish. nampak mcm fish dlm tank yang buat display tuh.. hah…. kat sinilah bermulanya kisah aku dan Mr Fish!

Mr Fish replied to Emma, “Its actually very nice. bla bla bla… tak ingat apa sebab aku dok tengok tangan dia. Confirm, all 10 fingers did not have any ring on it! yay! he’s NOT Married… then i went over and started asking him about the fish his taking and how to cook it.. dia degn tenangnya explains how to clean, prepared and cook! this guy really knows his Fish! that means, dia pandai masak… and then dia entertain chris pulak for a few minutes.. i went on pegi amik tengok ikan-ikan lain yang ada kat pasar tuh.. tapi hati ni berdetik asyik nak pandang “ikan’ yang satu tuh.. hehe.. chomel. air muka yang tenang, softspoken, likeable, attractive.. *sigh*…

then we are done choosing fish, pegi kat counter nak bayar and tunggu they clean the fish for you. i ternampak sotong yang sgt2 besar and fresh. so decided to take a kilo. tengah sibuk2 explain kat chris mcm mana nak buat sambal sotong. Then cakap kat Chris ikan tenggiri kat sebelah dia tuh buat masak lauk lemak cili padi pun sedap jugak.. tiba2 Mr Fish appeared beside me and said that he could already smell my cooking! huhu..

then we sambung borak kat counter tu sambil tunggu that Vietnamese lady bersihkan ikan.. chris and emma pi tgk ikan lain.. so it was just the 2 of us there.. he asked “where are you originally from?” then i said malaysia. he then replied, “Oh ya? I was born there!” OMG Mat Salleh Aussie yang chomel ni anak kelahiran Malaysia rupanya.. “Yeah? What a coincidence. Which part of Malaysia?” i asked. then he said he was born in Johor. Then adalah a few other stuff yang dia tanya.. sambil2 aku menjamah muka dia. ada uban sikit.. chomel… hehehe I think dlm early 30s..

Suddenly “Miss, here’s your fish. thank you!” sis vietnamese yang cakap english mcm bahasa purba tu dah siap bersihkan ikan lah pulak. potong stim betul lah! selalunya berjam2 aku tunggu. hari ni, when a guy, a very cute, unmarried guy wants to have a conversation with me, dia siap cepatlah pulak… then apa lagi.. bye bye lah.. terpaksa ku tinggalkannya..

Confirm every Friday lepas waktu solat jumaat, aku akan pi Inala.. manalah tau kan.. jodoh..

 Tapi dari Inala sampai rumah aku kena marah ngan emma and chris for not asking for his phone number. Toksah kata phone number.. I don’t even know his name . Tak sempat tanya.. so, sempena tempat we met, i call him Mr Fish. .

whoever u are, may we meet again…

TBC (to be continued)

Aku memang terlanjur mencintaimu
Dan tak pernah ku sesali itu
Seluruh jiwa rela ku serahkan
Menggenggam janji setiaku

Kumohon jangan jadikan semua ini
Alasan kau menyakitiku
Meskipun cintamu tak hanya untukku
Tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti

Bila…Rasaku ini rasamu
Sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya
Terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga

-Kerispatih 2008-

Something happened today. I’m not gonna go into the details. Just nak express that it feels like an explosion right in the middle of my heart. To make things worse, I can’t let it out. I couldn’t drop a tear. This must mean that it didn’t hurt me after all. But what’s with this thick, unsettled, heart wrenching feeling in my heart?

It has been a year. I kept it in for a year. Being able to take it out into the open should make me feel relieved right? It should have lightened the burden I felt.  But it didn’t. It made me feel even inferior.

Why must this email appear in my inbox this morning? Why must the question be asked? And why the hell did I willingly reply and make the same mistake I did 5 years ago??

I should have known the outcome. I should have learnt my lessons. But no. I stupidly went and pour the story out into the open and what do I get in return? A dreadful silence treatment. The same response I got 5 years ago. And what happened next is what I fear would happen. I was dead set right.  And now I’m sitting in front of my laptop, wishing that today did not happened..

Why do we always say things we didn’t mean to?

Why do we always want what we can’t have?

Why do we always think we have the answer for everything?

Why do we always think that our doings are in the interest of others?

Why do we always think that they want what we want?

Why do we always want to test the water and ended up falling in too deep?

Why do we always insist to jump into the water when we know we can’t swim, let alone float?

Why do we always think that we deserve the best when we ourselves are imperfect?

Why do we always think we are selfless when we are actually very selfish?

Why do we always say we feel numb when in reality is that we are badly hurt?

Why? Because we are humans. And do we then apologize for being just that??

Im sorry.. Im sorry.. Im sorry.. I truly am..

11^th September 2007

Why rojak? What is rojak?

Rojak mengikut mykamus.com bererti mishmash of strange ideas. Well, that’s the exact justification for my blog this time. A mishmash of everything that I feel like writing about, with no regards to any particular chronology of events!

Rojak is what the Twin Tower in the United States looks like 6 years ago, on this date, after being hit by the plane.. cepatnya masa berlalu… betul kan dah 6 years??

Sekarang nie tengah dengar Hot FM online.. Sedap lagu nie tapi ntah sapa yang nanyi. Yang pasti Indon! Mencintaimu sedalam-dalam hatiku, meskipun kau hanya kekasih gelapku. Wakakaka.. Sgt sesuatu! Pastu ada Hot FM kucar-kacir.. lagu2 yang di’rojak’kan utk diteka oleh pendengar.. Tetiba ada iklan buah kurma lah pulak.Yusuf Tayyum…Lusa dah 1 Ramadhan 1428 Hijrah..

Alhamdulillah aku bersyukur. Allah memberikan aku satu lagi peluag untuk mencium pintu Ramadhan dan Insyallah dapatlah aku mengisi bulan yang  suci ini untuk menjadi insan yang lebih tip top!  Hmmm ni lagi satu kisah rojak.  Rojak jugalah perkataan yang boleh menceritakan hati dan perasaan ini sekarang menjelang Ramadhan Al-Mubarak..Yang pasti memang sedih sebab pertama kali seumur hidup aku yang berusia 26 tahun nie berpuasa di perantauan! Waaaaaaaa!! Sedihnya. Selalunya kat rumah bersahur dgn family dan tengok kuliah subuh kat TV3 sebelum solat and tido balik.. Huhu.. Sedih jugak sebab setiap kali menjelang Ramadhan akan terasa kehilangan arwah mama yang dulu bagai nak rak mengejut aku sahur..Yang bestnya pulak, puasa zaman dulu2 ada reward! Famous amos cookies… Huhu.. only my sisters and I will understand that feeling.. Anyway, bertambah sedih sebab dah tak leh pegi PARAM (Pasar Ramadhan aka Pasar Juadah). Tahun lepas dan sebelumnya mcm amik kontrak pi pasar juadah every single day. Apa yang dibeli?? Yang pasti murtabak dan Roti John si Bob depan 7Eleven AU2 yang mengiurkan tu.. Eh, please ek..Yang mengiurkan aku Roti John, bukan si Bob! Kalau tengok si Bob tuh sumpah takut! Badan besar stok bouncer tapi naik scooter! Wakakaka…

Anyways, aku ada gak rasa happy sebab tak semua org berpeluang rasa menyambut Ramadhan and Syawal kat tempat asing, dengan org asing, makan makanan yang tak asing.. huhu! sebab aku kan masak sendiri! Rendang and sambal kacang and maybe nak buat honey cornflakes and choc cookies..Oh btw, nak pi tulils note jap. Nak suruh depa poskan ketupat segera. Jap ek..

Ok, I’m back.. Misha kata nak poskan kuih raya. Her delicious pineapple tarts and London Almond! Yummy. Baik suh poskan ketupat sekali kan ? Dah alang2 tuh, biarlah berat terus package tuh.. Boleh claim maa.. hmm sambung perasaan rojak.. Sedih lagi nie.. Tiap2 tahun gi surau kat umah utk terawih ngan papa and aunty lepas buka. Then habiskan 23 rakaat setiap malam (kecuali bila aku cuti ar J), then baru balik makan nasik or whatever yang ada… tapi mulai malam besok aku akan solat sunat terawih sensorang kat umah.. L sini takde surau let alone a mosque. The nearest I’ve seen is in Sunnybank kot. That is about 30 min from here.. Kat UQ adalah tempat most of the muslim solat. But that is in the city.. takpelah, buat kat rumah pun ok tapi miss lah pahala berjemaah tuh and all the fun of getting together.. Damn!

Rojak juga lah perkataan terbaik untuk menguraikan rasa hati menyambut Kemerdekaan ke-50 Malaysia di bumi Australia . Weird.. Lagu Negaraku, Lagu Setia, Lagu Tanggal 31, dan lagu-lagu Malayu yang lain dari Allahyarham Sudirman, Alleycats, Black Dog Bone etc menggegarkan Brisbane Convention Centre on Saturday (8^th Spet 07). Sekarang baru tahu kekuatan org Malaysia ..huhu.. hari sabtu tuh sgt excited. Coz hari ni pertama kali nak pakai baju traditional kat Aussie.. aku mengenakan busana kebaya yang ditempah khas untuk majlis perkahwinan kakak aku tempoh hari. It flew in a week back through my cousin Asha.. Kain lace cream untuk kebaya pendek dipadankan dengan kain batik berwarna biru laut dengan catingan dakwat emas.. and of course, selendang biru yang sepadan hadiah Imam Syarief buat aku dulu. Khas dari Mekah tau.. J Cantik! Anyways, malam tu pegi dgn parents Emma, whom by the way are fantastic people.. Kul 5 pm mandi dan bersiap2 untuk bertolak kul 6. Function starts at 6.30pm. Sampai sana , aku berasa sgt bangga dengan apa yg aku lihat. Sangat rojak! Most of Malaysian tak kenal bangsa Malay, Chinese, and Indians bersatu! Ada Melayu pakai Cheogsam, ada yang pakai sari, Indian and Chinese pakai kebaya. What a colorful floor it was. Oh lupa. Emma pakai kebaya songket purple/pink bersulam emas yang sgt cantik. She looked stunning with her Silver shoes and a matching handbag!

Highlight of the event was definitely a “rojak” of food lah! We had nasik Briyani, ayam masak apa ntah, kerabu, sayur goreng, rendang daging, roti canai, bingka ubi, kuih bom, and teh tarik! What more can you ask for?? Rojak? Sorry takde dalam menu.. I ate like a p*g! Huhu. Tak ingat tuh pakai corset! Last2 mengah nak duduk gi jenjalan mencari teman-teman lain untuk bergambar. Hilmi pun ada. Malam tuh Hilmi tak jadik pakai baju melayu sebab dia takde songkok. So he dressed formally instead. He came in a light blue shirt and a lovely black jacket . He came with a lot of his friend from UQ..

We all had fun that night and around 12am we decided to call it the night. The others attended the after-party they had going on at the same place.. Parents Emma, Maz and Glen, agreed to give Hilmi a lift back home. So, off we went but not to sent Hilmi but instead.. I can’t believe we did this.. We went to Gloria Jeans Coffee (GJs) in Fortitude Valley aka Chinatown in the city, for a cup of coffee. All of us, except Hilmi, who doesn’t take coffee btw, are addicted to GJs. Tapi kitorang drag Hilmi along. He can drink his Hot Choc.. Huhu.. yang penting nak highlight ni, aku dengan kebaya, berkasut tumit tinggi, dengan clutch bag telah berjalan2 di Chinatown ! Ya ampun!! Kat Malaysia pun aku tak buat cam tuh. Huhu…Nasib baik aku tidak berkesorangan.. Emma dengan songketnya, Maz with her beautiful black dress and Glen had his Suit on. Malam tuh dekat kul 2 kot baru sampai umah.. Fun, tired, crazy feelings.. sangat rojak..

Rojak jugalah yang bisa menceritakan kisah perut aku hari nie. Pendek ceritanya diarrhea! Semua gara2 soya bean semalam. Or maybe Nando’s kelmarin yang pedas kot? Ntah lah. Tapi aku yakin soya bean tuh yang trigger all this. Nak tau naper? Sebab soya bean tuh expired!!!! @#$%^&* betol lah org In & Out Convenient Store tuh.. Aku confident je minum sebab it’s the normal Drinho Soya Bean yg dalam can tu.. Made in Malaysia lagi.. kitorang nak kumpulkan tin sebab nak main baling tin kat depan umah nie.. (dah main pun 1 game semalam dengan Emma, Chris & Val). Sarah and Emma yg minum dulu and dorang kata rasa macam corn sikit. Tak biasa minum air malaysia kot.. Aku rasa biasa je.. aku minumlah sampai dekat ¾ can habis.. Then tetiba tergerak hati nak tengok expiry date kat bawah can. Ternyata air tuh dah expired 4 bulan yang lalu!! Uuwekk!! Aku hantar balik kat kedai tuh and amik replacement drink, air tin Lift perisa Lemon! Then aku pun start memuntahkan isi perut aku secara paksa sebab aku tau sgt perut ni sensitive.

Ternyata aku betul lagi sekali. Today seharian aku menjadi tetamu kamar mandi! Dehydrated jadiknya.. Ingatkan kul 4.30pm nak pi clinic. Tapi gerenti tak sempat sebab kul 5pm tutup. Pastu kena jalan ke orion, tak larat today. Menggigil lutut nie sebab tak makan apa dari pagi ditambah dengan pencernaan yang sangat drastic! 10 minutes walk rasa mcm 10km away. Emma lak ada class. Malas nak call and ask. So, aku memutuskan untuk tidak ke clinic dan sebaliknya cuba minum 1 mug teh o pekat lagi, walaupun ada seseorang cuba memujuk aku agar ke clinic! Sorry kamu! Kamu tau saya allergic dgn doctor! Then aku masak bubur nasik sket.. Rupanya clinic kat orion ni tak leh selamba pegi je. Everything is by appointment. Emergency cases kena pi hospital. Sumpah tak tahu kat ner.. itu pun aku baru dapat tahu dari Sarah bila dia balik kerja tadi. Nasib baik aku tak jalan. Sia2 je pengsan tengah jalan. Siapa susah?? Huhu..

Itulah kisah rojak aku untuk kali ni.. rupanya dah 3 page aku termembebel.. sangat Melina..

TBC (to be continued)

21st August 2007

Assalamualaikum..

Bumi Brisbane basah lagi untuk tiga hari berturut-turut. This is the heaviest August rain in five years. How cool is that? At least now we can see green grass instead of dying ones.. this is one of the dryest place I’ve even seen. Miss the greens in KL..

Chop.. tetiba dgr lelaki masuk rumah. Jap ek… ooohh.. orang maintainance. Terkejut mak. Dia nak betulkan pintu bilik aku and I’m the only one at home. Cuak gak nie, but it’s alrite.

Anyways, not what I wanted to write today. I wanna share my experience with you during my trip to the EKKA.

EKKA, sounds like an animal or an insect. Huhu. It’s the Royal Brisbane Show 2007. It’s the word of the month on many lips of people in Brisbane . This annual event showcases various entertainment and performances from horse shows to cattle and cows, to canine, agriculture, food and amusement games. It was held for 10 days beginning August 8^th till 18^th, the day I had the chance to experience it myself. This was all after the scary CMA (computer Managed Assessment) aka Exam Online lah.. J for Crisis Management.

Emma & I were having our morning coffee when Val came over that morning at 8am. Sipping down my last bit of coffee I was imagining the excitement I was going to endure after many sleepless nights.

Funny.. I’m laughing as I’m writing this. We planned to park the car at Godna train station and take the TransLink down to the city. Believe it or not, we couldn’t find the station! We got lost even after my frequent (well, actually my 3^rd) trip down to the station. Then, like tourist in our own backyard, Emma asked for directions and we finally got to the station just in time for the 9am train. Oh by the way, we paid train tickets using some money Emma and I found at the Orion a few days back. We agreed not to spend it on food. J

            We spent the entire journey picking up some sexy-sounding Spanish words from Val, who is a Mexican. It took us a good one hour to get to the exhibition centre after switching trains at Roma Street Station. We purchased a concession entry ticket and soon after we are geared for this fun-filled day. So we hoped.

            Upon entry we were given packets of hand wipes from EKKA organizers to help reduced probability of catching the Influenza A Virus that has claimed nine lives in the past month. Scary?? Neh… we are just thrilled to be there to care much about getting sick.. The three of us took out our camera from our bags (mine was a new bag!) and tuned them into the suitable mode for our click trip. Emma took out the EKKA ground map to see where we were and where we are heading first. It’s not like we are any good at reading maps anyway! J Well, I’d be an idiot not to notice where we were. The air was filled with an aroma of cow/horse dunk! Uuuwwwweeekkk! They are definitely close.

            True enough, we saw an entrance to what I call the arena where beautifully groomed horses were displayed on the field and judged for various categories. We took some shots of horses and off we went to see some other stuff. Turned our faces down into the useless map again, turn it upside down and then decided to go wherever! We couldn’t figure out where we were in the first place. Huhu.. How blessed we were with map-reading capabilities..

              After a short walk, we ended up in the amusement area where scary rides and other games are located. There are crazy rides just like in Genting. Solero Shot, Magic Carpet rides, the Airplane whatever rides, ships, crazy space ship rides, and of course mellow children games for people like me who are not so adventurous on going up all the rides just to get a heart attack. No thank you! We played a game or two but mostly took photos of the crazy Aussie going on rides and getting the hair all messed and shirts lifted up..

            We then headed of to find where the Showbags area was. This is an EKKA specialty. Many people, like us, come to EKKA just to get our hands on these showbags. Showbags are filled with many promotional items such as magazines, toiletries, cosmetics products, chocolates, food items, T-shirts, bags and many other stuff sold at as cheap as AUD2.50 to as high as only AUD20 each. This is a huge bargain for all visitors as actual prices of items per bag may be as high as AUD150. No kidding.. Which is why EKKA is a popular event.

            The we decided to fill our hungry belly with lunch. We walked around for food and how lucky, there was an international food festival and guess what! There’s food from Malaysia, Indonesia, German, Mexico, Spain and lots more! I indulged myself with a plate of Nasi Briyani dengan Kari Ayam, Kentang and 2 cucuk satay. Heavannya!! Kalau boleh nak makan banyak-banyak tapi tak nak spoil my so-called diet. I have not eaten rice for quite some time. Switched to brown rice yang takde gluten. Sumpah tak sedap. Tak macam nasik biasa. Keras, takde rasa kanji. Tapi nak buat cam ner.. nak kurus kena seksa sikit ar. Tengoklah nanti, Melina balik Kuala Lumpur dengan personality yang baru dan bertambah jelita. Amin.. huhu 

            Anyways, pas grab a cup of cappuccino we headed of to other areas of the exhibition. Pi tengok lembu. Masyallah, ada sekor lembu tuh more than 1000kg. Sangat obese! Maybe saya takkan makan daging untuk sebulan lepas tengok betapa gemuknya lembu2 kat sini dengan lemak tepu! J Pastu ada cat show. Tetiba teringat Lucky Boy yang buchuk tu. Saya beli button badge that says I LOVE MY CAT. How cool..  

            Buat aper lagi ek??. Oh ya, now and then terserempak dengan ‘figures’ or whatever you call those things yang akan buat parade later in the day. Dah lah saya takut badut-badut ni. Ada spongebob lah, ada red rooster, ada kucing, ada org yang tinggi macam galah tuh, water restriction ladies.. and  macam2 lah character lain. Tapi sempat gak tahan takut and amik picture with a few of those things. Then makan ice cream strawberry yg sangat sedap. Mana tak sedapnya. AUD4 = 12 hengget! Takpe ar.. nak rasa..makanan maa..

            Pastu dah penat jalan kitorang decide to call it the day sebab tangan Emma & I dah lenguh pegang showbags yang tersangatlah berat nak mampus.. lagipun nak ke Guyatt Park amik makanan yang pesan kat Abang Sah melalui Hilmi, sebelum balik rumah. Nak naik City Cat, Ferry on Brisbane River . Untuk yang kenal benar dengan saya nie tau yang saya benci naik pengangkutan air! Mabuk. Tak kisahlah apa, feri ke bot ke, jet ski ke. Apa2 lah. Mabuk. Tak suka. But I can’t believe somebody thought me into doing it and I did! Berdiri kat jeti tuh je dah mabuk sikit sebab dia beralun. Huh.. tapi Alhamdulillah, it was alrite walaupun tudung rasa nak tercopot dek pukulan angin yang hebat! Takut tapi siap duduk on the deck lagi.. Hahahaha. Takde lah berombak sangat seperti I assumed but maybe sebab dah psychologically kata akan mabuk, so, mabuk sikit lah.     

            Hmm we reached home at I think 4pm kot. Sangat exhausted from my first exciting EKKA. Got home, had my coffee and just sat in front of the TV for the rest of the evening with Emma.. Little did we know that the day after both of us were praying and dying for our neighbor the, Thai masseuse to come and massage us.. 

TBC (to be continued)

12^th August 2007 Assalamulaikum..

Semua kata rindumu semakin membuatku tak berdaya menahan rasa ingin jumpa..Percayalah padaku aku pun rindu kamu, Ku akan pulang melepas semua kerinduan yang terpendam

Bait-bait lagu Kangen dari Dewa menjadi teman tatkala aku memilih untuk mencurahkan perasaan dan berkongsi cerita dengan kalian. Entah kenapa tiba-tiba terdetik untuk menulis dengan bahasa penulisan novel.. Aku rasa lebih dekat dan lebih mudah melepaskan segala yang terbuku ketika asyik menekan papan kekunci laptop ku..dan ternyata sudah lama amat rasanya aku tidak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda tercinta seperti yang sering aku lakukan dahulu..

Malam ini agak selesa berbanding kelmarin. Musim sejuk yang hampir sampai ke penghujungnya mula melambaikan kain putih kepada Musim Bunga yang tidak segan-segan menjenguk kebelakangan ini..

Namun, disebalik segala kehangatan malam ini, hati dan dadaku ibarat terlampau sesak dengan perasaaan atau.. Entah, aku sendiri tak bisa mengenali ‘beban ini’. Apakah ianya perasaan yang sudah lama wujud dan aku tidak hiraukan? Apa ia baru sahaja mengetuk hati ini? Atau apakah ia bukan perasaan tapi sekadar unnecessary pressure yang tak sengaja aku undang ke dalam diri ini?? Sesekali terasa diri ini kejam kerana membiarkan hati kecil ini merana lebih lagi. Tapi tambah memburukkan keadaan, ‘beban’ ini terasa asing bagiku..

Esok, genap sebulan aku di bumi asing ini. Kadang kala masih tak percaya aku berjaya sampai ke tahap ini. Who would have thought, anak yang sering gagal dalam pelajaran di bangku sekolah.. anak yang sering dimarahi papa kerana membawa pulang buku laporan kemajuan sekolah dengan tulisan dakwat merah, anak yang sekadar lulus SPM, anak yang masih sahaja gagal semasa pengajian diploma dan anak yang aku kira masih belum membawa apa-apa kebanggaan untuk diri sendiri dan keluarga, kini berada di tempat asing melanjutkan pelajaran ke peringkat Sarjana.. Percaya atau tidak, aku rasa semua ini masih cebisan mimpi yang panjang.

Air mataku mengalir tanpa dipinta selancar jari jemariku yang asyik menjamah susunan abjad dihadapanku ini. Aku mula mengenali beban ini.. Rindu…. That’s it.. Rindu pada Papa, Misha, Linda dan keluarga yang lain..Rindu pada arwah mama yang sepatutnya barada di sisiku yang masih mentah dalam mengenali dunia ini. Berdosanya kerana mempertikaikan Kuasa Allah.. Astarghfirullahalazim.. Al-Fatihah…

Sehari sebelum berangkat ke Australia, pada pagi Jumaat 13th July 2007, aku gagahkan diri menziarahi kubur arwah mama yang telah aku tinggalkan hampir berbulan-bulan lamanya. Sebasah hujan yang membasahi bumi, sebasah itu jugalah wajahku dengan air mata kerana tidak ketemu kubur arwah mama. Aku benci diriku ketika itu. Entah kenapa hari itu aku terlupa nombor batu nisannya. Telefon bimbitku pula sengaja ku tinggalkan di kereta yang ku letak agak jauh dari tanah perkuburan ini. Tanpaku sedari sudah hampir 45 minit aku meredah semak dan berpuluh-puluh kubur. Aku berhenti. Aku mendongak ke langit seakan meminta simpati dariNya. Aku berdoa pada Allah, kalau pun Dia ingin menghukum aku kerana lalai sebagai seorang anak, don’t do it this time. Let me see my mom for the last time! And I cried to my mom, please don’t be mad at me.. I came to share with you some good news.. Belum pun lima langkah aku bergerak semula, aku terbaca nama mama di sebuah batu nisan. Rupa-rupanya, it has always been in front of my eyes. I knew I wasn’t far, tapi alangkah butanya hati ini.…     

Hari yang sama aku terpaksa ke Putrajaya menguruskan wang pendahuluan bersama Hilmi. Pada petangnya aku ke Money Changer unutk mendapatkan matawang Australian Dollars. Papa Misha, Linda, Abang Saiful dan Aunty rupa-rupanya telah mula menabung untuk membantuku berangkat. Sedih aku terpaksa menerima bantuan mereka yang aku tahu lebih memerlukannya. Wang yang diberi masih bersisa. Alhamdulillah. Hanya doa yang dapat aku panjatkan sebagai ganti kepada pemberian kalian. Semoga Allah mengandakan rezeki dan pahala untuk setiap satu bantuan dan pengorbanan kalian.

Sepi & Rindu.. dua perasaan yang meracuni diriku ketika ini. Allah hanya menduga kerana Dia tahu aku masih mampu menerimanya. Sesunguhnya Dia Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.. Alhamdulillah, aku telah ketemui jawapan kepada ‘beban’ ini dan telah kuringankan dengan mencurahkan airmata dan bercerita.. I feel much better..

TBC (to be continued)